Hi Mum,
I was thitnking about the difficulty you have with the way we are parenting and I thought of an analogy that might help. I think the reason I find your opinions exhausting to listen to is not because i'm not interested in what you have to say, it's more like as if i'm trying to learn chinese and you are commenting on my ability to speak chinese, based on your extensive knowledge of french. Whatever you say, however useful it would be IF I was trying to learn french, is just totally irrelevant to someone learning chinese. So it's a waste of both of our energy, which feels a shame.
I would however be so thrilled to have your input, in fact it would be a totally helpful, supportive force in my life, IF you could learn to speak chinese! So I guess what i'm saying is i'd love you to have opinions about how your grandchildren are raised, but only if you really understand what we are doing. I'm not interested in whether you think french or chinese is better, but very interested in any input you may have that supports my learning of chinese.
If you are interested I have several books I can lend you. And if you are not so interested that is absolutely fine too - you don't need to be. But I don't need any help with french. I already speak french more fluently than I want and am more interested in unlearning it so that I might learn chinese, so to speak.
Love you
x