An anecdote for Setting Limits and Staylisten​ing

Yesterday we went to a regular parent and child group in the car. Arte had negotiated that she would not wear her coat in the car as it "hurts" her, but when we arrived I set a limit that she put it on to walk to the group. I could have let it go, as it wasn't far to walk, but I preferred she keep her chest warm and I was feeling well resourced and unhurried, so I knew I could handle her releasing tension if she needed (and I knew she needed to after a hard week). She started crying and saying "No!". We got out of the car and I opened the boot and offered a different coat, just to make sure it was off track behaviour. She continued screaming and crying and saying she had two tshirts so it was ok. I got close and repeated that I needed her to wear a coat. I was concerned this could go on for a long time and we were out in the cold, so I brought the limit by saying we had to get into the car to continue our conversation. She refused to go in so I lifted her in and went to sit next to her. I would have preferred not to move her physically, but I felt it was necessary to keep her warm and safe until she had worked out her feelings We sat for an hour in the car, while she raged and I staylistened. Because she was stressed, she also took off her trousers and socks and I noticed myself feeling frustrated, but kept myself in check and reminded myself to trust she'd be able to wear them again when she felt better. At one point she climbed into the boot and found some wet trousers and asked if she could wear those instead. I held the limit "No love, they are wet, you need your dry clothes and your coat". At one point, crying slowed and I voiced how sad I was that she'd missed the songs; the part of the session she enjoys most. She began crying hard about this and I listened "I know, you love singing and we missed it, that's your favourite part". Shortly after that she found the second coat I offered and was suddenly delighted to see it had pockets she could put her coins in. She got dressed and we happily walked into the group an hour late. The playleader, on hearing Arte's disappointment, suggested to do the songs at the end instead of the beginning so it all worked out perfectly and I learnt that it doesn't always matter to be late!